Which is sexier?

So I've been working out and such quite a bit for a few months now, and as I've said before: mostly in preparation for a live, nude stream in front of a lot of people (fan requested).

As a recovering addict, a few years ago I had to change my life drastically and spent years tapering, and eventually, reaching "sobriety" (although I smoke pot occasionally; it helped immensely: I stopped shooting up, self-mutilating, and although I felt insane and could barely function...but had no choice, really, but to just deal with "it" until I recovered).

I only bring this up because, as embarrassing as it is to admit: I haven't been laid since sobering up; it's taken over twenty years to gain the confidence I have, but, 3/4 of my life I've been literally told how "fucking ugly" I "am", by those whom I believed to be friends.

So, yes: I still have some self-esteem issues...and honestly have no idea what to do with, I guess, sorta' "groupies" constantly asking for sex videos, pics, etc.

It's flattering, but understand: I don't get off watching myself...I'm not a woman; I might think similar since I've grown up without a father (he's around occasionally now; gay, complete slut...fine by me. Can be extremely cruel, but, I still respect him; he's not a bad guy...just obsessed with fucking his way through as many men as he can before he dies ), and although most girls (except for gothic chicks...which I'll always be attracted to) loathed me and were just as bad as about everyone else.

But it eventually became sort of habitual for me to really only hangout with women; I only had sex with one of them--after five years of being "best friends", and as usual: she initiated it, we fucked all night and morning all over, in positions that shouldn't be possible

I'm hoping people will be more open on here, so; I'll probably post a few polls so I can hopefully get some insights into what, as women (preferably...I have to say this a lot: I'm not gay...and I'd rather not get into "it"; I'll just say someone did something with someone else, and it led to something traumatizing...so please: I KNOW what I like and what I don't like) makes "you" wet? Be it me, or whomever.

If "you" could take photographs, videos, etc.: how would you tell your "model" to pose and such?

First question: What do "you" focus on the most when/if watching naked guys streaming? AND: Do you ever masturbate and/or use toys while watching if so?

(This is the first question; remember: no sex pics/vids until I have a willing "participant"; so...solo until then).

Thanks!